The end is near

Nevermind the financial crisis. Something worse is upon us, that thing science fiction writers have long warned of.

Blackberries have minds. They think for themselves and say things and people trust them more than they trust their fellow humans.

My Blackberry is no longer My Blackberry. It is a Blackberry of its own, a free Blackberry, making its own decisions and saying whatever it wants without regard for the truth.

The other day, it decided it didn’t want to work any more. Perhaps it was just one too many emails like, “The Bush Administration Has Provided Unprecedented Support for Our Veterans,” or “Hidroterapia de Colon un Tratamiento rapido y eficaz.”

So it just sat there and said, “Uncaught exception, net_rim_bb_addressb. app2.killed due to msg queue overflow.” It kept saying this over and over. So I took out its battery, the equivalent of shaking a child. Again and again, and it only grew more resistant. Finally it went dark and refused even to take a charge.

Michael in our tech department promised to mediate. But then he called back and told me that the Blackberry had told him that it had been submerged in water. It put out a little red light saying so, kind of like a message scribbled in blood by a dying murder victim. I have never submerged my Blackberry or hurled it into the Potomac or even rested it on a damp spot. Even if Michael pretended to believe me, Verizon won’t. Who would, really?

Posted By: Carolyn Lochhead (Email) |
December 12 2008 at 11:58 AM