A hairy spinster, a beanie-loving saxophonist and a
bare-chested father and son Greek dance act walk onto a stage… Oh it has such
potential as a joke but in fact it is tomorrow night’s Britain’s Got Talent final.

Such a motley crew, but wait there’s more! Joining the stifled singing sensation Susan Boyle (call
off the search parties, her threats to quit the show and hoof it back to
Blackburn never transpired), the strong but sensitive Julian Smith, and the
rotund and raucous Demetrios and Lagi Demetriou, aka Stavros Flatley, are five
other only slightly-less unlikely finalists.

Give a big round of applause to the dexterous Diversity, who
specialise in jaunty modern dance referencing their Britain’s
Got Talent journey, and the nimble Flawless, who specialise in jaunty modern
dance referencing their Britain’s
Got Talent journey. It will be too close to call. It will be impossible to
tell them apart.

Also lining up in front of ITV watchers (and lining the pockets of Simon
Cowell) will be the unimaginably wholesome 2 Grand, aka crooner John Neill and his
granddaughter Sallie Lax, and the singing 12-year-old Shaheen Jafargholi, who
specialises in big ballads and making you feel that you wasted your youth. But
let’s not forget Shaun Smith, the handsome young sop sure to capture the vote
of every teenage girl, grandmother and small, furry, big-eyed household pet.

So who will win? Tell us who you’re behind in the poll below. Our prediction?
Amanda Holden will cry.